”A beer commercial could do it.”

Re:Maxim? Maxim?

Really? Maxim is “sexually stimulating” enough to violate probation?

Of course it is, Walt. What with all the nudity that it doesn’t contain and the pictures of the naked women which aren’t in there.

God forbid this man had a copy of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. Mind you, the SI Swimsuit mag does contain far better writing than Maxim and FHM combined. I swear to goddess those magazines are produced and written by 15 year old males. The writing goes something like this:

And here we have Angelina Jolie! Good god we’d sure love to raid her tomb and see what she has down there! Did you know she did a nude scene in a couple movies?! She did! It’s true! You can see her bits! All her bits! It’s terrific! It’s breastalicious! Just rent (insert title here) and fast forward your way into the movie to 0:45:32:40 and there they are! WOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOO! If you think those things look good barely covered, you oughta see ’em uncovered.

I’d love to buy one of those things. They’ve got great photos of exceedingly beautiful women. But every time I read the writing, something I can’t ignore even if I tried, I feel like I picked up some high schooler’s T&A zine.

I presume that such parolees are definitively barred from watching any TV, much less cable channels. And, to be sure, fashion magazines would be right out of the question.

I looked at a Vogue and a Vanity Fair a few days ago. I can’t make up my mind, and maybe we should do a poll, but what’s sexier in fashion magazines? Is it the ads or the articles? I’m leaning towards ads, but I’m still not sure. One ad I saw featured a completely topless woman. (Quick, someone call some group of right wing nuts! Kids can buy Vogue!)

But yeah, your appraisal of TV is spot on. Between that Paris Hilton hamburger commercial and a few Pepsi commercials here and there, it’s amazing we’re not a society full of sexual predators. I wonder what it’s like in Europe and Asia, where commercials using sex to sell something are almost completely unbound by censorship?

For example, Greece ran a commercial for Pepsi that must have cost millions. It featured three very scantily clad gladiatrix types in the middle of a Romanesque arena with cheering fans all over. The gladiatrix types look each other over, drop their weapons and sing “We Will Rock You” by Queen. The twist? The three women in the arena are Britney Spears, Pink, and Beyonce Knowles.

I once viddied an Italian commercial that, to this day, I have no idea what they tried to sell me because I couldn’t get past the softcore porn. The only reason it wasn’t hardcore, I’m guessing, is because they didn’t want to buy that much TV time. Meanwhile, in Japan, they use models with bouncing breasts to sell candy and, one of my favourites, a commercial where a girl seems to have oral sex, but is really eating a bowl of ramen.

Now that’s sexually stimulating.

Meanwhile, this is just another reason not to live in Florida apart from the three or more hurricanes per year and the bugs large enough to have names and pay income tax.