LISNews: Librarian News

Lisa: Bart, it's naive to think you can change a person...except maybe that boy who works in the library...[flashback to library]Ralph: Do you have, "Go, Dog, Go"?Boy at Library Desk: [scoffs] That's in Juvenile. This is Young Adult.[back to present]Lisa: Well-read, and just a little wild. [sighs] Ooh, if only someone could tame him...Librarian: You've checked out this Bible every weekend for the last nine years. Surely it would be easier just to buy one?Rev. Lovejoy: Perhaps on a librarian's salary.Homer to Librarian: Yes, I'd like a phone book for Hokkaido, Japan.[Librarian immediately produces a phone book from under the desk.]Homer: May I please use your phone?Librarian: ... Is it a local call?Homer: ... Yes.Homer: [dialing] Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep...

At his school library, Bart runs on top of a large globe, spinning it. A group of other children cheer him on, until Homer yells, "Cut it out, boy!"; he slips, sliding onto a nearby table where Homer reads.Bart: Dad, what are you doing here?Homer: Reading about this Edison character. They won't let me in the big people library downtown, there was some ... unpleasantness, I can never go back. Ooh! [reading a pop-up book] Look at all the inventions Edison came up with: the stock ticker, the storage battery, even wax paper! And look at him dance! [Homer fiddles with levers on the sides of the book, moving Edison's legs. He does a little scat singing as musical accompaniment] And, these Hardy Boys books are great, too! This one's about smugglers!Bart: They're all about smugglers.Homer: No, not this one! "The Smugglers of Pirate Cove". It's about pirates.A librarian comes over to Homer's table.Librarian: Excuse me, are you a student at this school?Homer: I think it's pretty obvious that I am! [holds up a pencil with a paper flag reading 'school' attached] Go school!