"Work Like A Patron" Day


"Work Like A Patron Day:" In honor of the day, Brian Herzog thinks library staff should (when possible):

* enter and leave the library through the public entrance (not the staff doors)
* use the public restrooms
* use the public computers to do your work
* reserve public meeting rooms for meetings
* follow all library policies


I thought he said do what patrons do!

Hmm. Work like a library patron uses the library.

Bitch and moan about all the rules and personnel decisions. Whine because you can't access the porno sites. Complain about everything and everyone. Ask the other staff for help in running your private business on the library's free computers, especially selling interesting library books on e-bay. Tell your boss you can't find any of the files you made on the computer yesterday, and whatta ya mean you wipe the memory clean every night? You don't know how to turn on the computer. You need help from the chief librarians in printing. Why don't you know what my password is? Steal books and library materials.

Dress provocatively and flirt with everyone in the library (male, female and toddler). Or dress and smell like a homeless person, and then wear a big old sign on your chest that says "Ask Me!"

Every hour ask the chief librarian to have a storytime for the staff. Every other hour loudly check the safety on your pistol.

Lie to the chief librarian: "I had it here yesterday- YOU must have lost it!" Bring all your small and obnoxious children to work, and dump them on the other library staff as free baby sitters.

Get two or more other librarians to stand with you in the doorway or among the shelves, talking about children or just gossiping, so other people can't get past you to enter or leave. Be rude if they ask you to make room for them to pass.

Tell the other staff constantly to shut up because you are trying to read the newly arrived books and magazines. Don't come in early or stay late- that's what public doorways are for! Ask only stupid questions of the other staff, and act as if it was the most important question in the world. Stand in front of the computers and ask where they are. Don't answer a telephone unless you have a really loud and penetrating ring tone on your cell phone. Then talk really loudly about personal matters, spaced every now and again with a really horsey laugh or snorted explicative.

Smoke cigarettes in the lavatory. Smoke dope in the shelving areas. Take a nap in the carrels. Fart proudly in public areas, and dare anyone to say something about anything.

Sit across the table from a patron who is reding, and stare at them constantly when they are trying to read or write. Lean over the shoulder of a patron at the computer to see what they are looking at.

R. Lee Hadden (These are my own opinions!)

who are you, really? are you Flo, in YA?

Actually, I am "He Who Is Not Flo." Especially I'm not Flo in Young Adults- the little heathens scare the heck out of me! I did everything I could to avoid kiddie lit in library school (see: http://www.lisnews.org/articles/04/04/20/055207.shtml), to divert my life from a career with the little, er, darlings.

Currently I'm a map librarian with the US Army Corps of Engineers, after 14 years as Reference and Rare Books Librarian with the US Geological Survey Library. Previous to that, I was a gypsy librarian (in medical, museum, pharmaceutical, public, engineering and physical sciences libraries) with short-time work in Saudi Arabia, Korea, the Philippines and the U. of Michigan.

I've done most kinds of librarianship except school librarianship, and I've decided I'm neither smart enough or thick skinned enough (dealing with either parents or school administrators) to work in public education. My hat's off to those who do. Remember, the circus lion tamer who goes into a cage filled with wild tigers and ferocious lions, while armed with only a whip and chair, awes and impresses everyone except the jr. high school librarian.

R. Lee Hadden (These are my own opinions!) See: http://www.librarything.com/profile/hadden

Don't I have to be drunk when doing all of this?