From Roz Warren
Roz Warren, "the world's funniest librarian," writes for the New York Times and the Funny Times and she's been featured on the Today Show. (Twice!) Her latest humor book is OUR BODIES, OUR SHELVES: A COLLECTION OF LIBRARY HUMOR. http://ow.ly/LpFgE
Submitted by birdie on February 12, 2015 - 10:03am
Be on the lookout says CNN:
The suspect is furry. Only a couple of feet long. Two big teeth. And, it would seem, he has it in for the people of the American Northeast. He's Punxsutawney Phil, and he's a wanted groundhog, according to police in Merrimack, New Hampshire.
Fed up with the more than 4 feet of snow their region has gotten this winter, police issued a tongue-in-cheek arrest warrant for the notorious whistlepig.
"We have received several complaints from the public that this little varmint is held up in a hole, warm and toasty," the department posted on its Facebook page. "He told several people that Winter would last 6 more weeks, however he failed to disclose that it would consist of mountains of snow!
"If you see him, do not approach him as he is armed and dangerous," the department said. "Call Merrimack Police, we will certainly take him into custody!"
Phil isn't the only groundhog with a record this year. Wisconsin's version of Phil, Jimmy, bit the mayor of Sun Prairie this month, according to CNN affiliate WISC.
Portland, OR “A man is in the library and goes up to the desk. He asks for a burger and fries. The librarian says, ‘Sir this is a library.’ The man replies, ‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ and leans over and whispers, ‘Can I get a burger and fries?’
The NYC joke is based on an outdated characterization of New Yorkers:
New York, NY “I was at the library today. The guy at the desk was very rude. I said, ‘I’d like a card.’ He said, ‘You have to prove you’re a citizen of New York.’ So I stabbed him.”
SANDUSKY, OH—In a moment of confusion, area teenager Eric Dooley briefly walked into a local teen outreach center Tuesday, a place that neither he nor any of his teenaged friends would ever knowingly enter.
"Oh, geez. I'm sorry," the 15-year-old said as he quickly assessed the four battered foosball tables, outdated PlayStation console, overly friendly counselor, and garish orange and purple paint scheme—all intended to appeal to him—before exiting the facility in less than six seconds. "This isn't where I'm supposed to be. Sorry. Sorry."
Dooley reportedly joined a gang later that afternoon.