librarian mode kicks in at home

Submitted by shoe on Fri, 05/21/2004 - 13:49

No, I didn't catalog my book shelves. Yet. It would be a good exercise for me though.
After a bear of a week, I came home to the neighbor kid playing in our water garden. The neighbor's kid name is "Small, blonde, and freaky."
So Small, Blonde, and Freaky says, "Why do you have rocks here?"
And all I can think of to say is "It's a weight to help you sink to the bottom faster and stay there."
But my husband was nice and said, "So we don't have to step on the flowers, like your're doing now."
Then he proceeds to teeter very close to the edge. I do not want to know what this kid falling in and drowning would do to our pH. The pond is about as deep as this kid is tall, seriously.
We have a big fence, which has a tiny hole that Small, Blonde and Freaky can fit through. Time to patch that up.
So my husband politely says, "Okay, we need to go in now, so you've got to go back to your yard."
SBAF says, "I can let myself out."
I'm ready to scream. Holy crap, kid, I don't want you back here. Your yard is huge, and I don't want you stepping on my flowers, throwing rocks in my water garden, spear fishing my koi (caught him trying it once) or falling and drowning, dumb twit.
"No," my husband says, ever so politely, "We don't want you out here without anyone to watch you."
I would have stopped with "We don't want you out here."
SBAF: "I let myself in and out all the time." The little bastard!
Finally librarian mode kicked in for me, "We don't want you to fall in and drown. So you have to leave. Now. Now."
"I'll go out myself through the hole."
My voice raised about three octaves. "Well then go out yourself. Go. Now."
My husband looked at me like I had two heads. I have never snapped at SBAF before. I mean, I've called him every combination of four letter words in the book in the house when I caught him spear fishing my poor koi, or throwing sharp rocks in with our plastic pond liner, or knocking the fountain over... or... or...
It takes a lot to get me to snap, at work or at home. One of our circ staff, who knows I don't do children, said, "You're good with the kids."
I'm good with the kids whose parents are attentive and watch them. They're going to act up, of course, they're kids. But I hate being forced into mom and dad's position. I didn't bring these little people into existence. And whereas in some ways, sure, it does take a village, discipline still begins at home.
I wasn't cut out for parenthood.
Children are like having really really intelligent and non-allergenic capuchin monkeys. I think I'll stick to snakes and fish and dogs.