Missing... Well, everything

Submitted by shoe on Fri, 03/09/2007 - 15:11

LOST: One reference/systems librarian.
No, really, I'm right here. But I feel among the missing in more ways than one, unfortunately.
The lovely doctors, one of them, prescribed an ADHD drug called Focalin to keep me awake. At three times the normal dose, it did at least allow me to leave the house for an hour or a two at a time. I still needed a nap or two a day, and it still felt as though the gravity was turned waaaay up, but I could get out... if not to do the things I wanted to do, at least to do the things I had to do.
Then, the other lovely doctors got a little paranoid. They said, "You're on three times the recommended dose." And they pushed it down to the maximum recommended dose. Which doesn't do squat.
Every hour and a half, now, I need to lie down for at least twenty minutes. Or else I hit the floor.
What this means is that I'm essentially housebound. Mr. Shoe wants to go out to dinner, he has to go alone. We need groceries? Mr. Shoe does them alone (the supermarket lights kill me on a good day anyway.) My birthday is coming and my mother has her heart set on taking me to the Olive Garden. Like I feel like falling asleep in a plate of pasta. And it kills me because I want to go. There's so frickin' much I'd love to be doing!
I also get stupid, and forgetful when I get this way. And it's sort of weird, I noticed when I get stupid and forgetful, I tend to stick things in the refrigerator that don't really belong there. Things like... shirts. Dry dog food. Packing tape. Go figure.
Two weeks ago I had another sleep study, where they discovered I get about 17-25 minutes of deep sleep (the restorative kind) a night. I meet with the sleep doctor (brilliant lady) on the 21st to see where to go from here. I know I need the CPAP turned up, and I do have some other sleep disorders that may or may not be complicating the issue.
The only weird blood test results, lately, have been Vitamin D. I flunked my Vitamin D test. I hear some doctors say that's highly unusual, and others say it's common. I think what it is is that it's common to be deficient. It's highly unusual to have your rheumatologist say, "This is pathetic." I have almost no Vitamin D in my system.
They say that could be the problem, too. My rheumy, who is a doll, says that it causes CFIDS/fibromyalgia like symptoms. What I'm reading (never give test results to a librarian) is that it's indicative of osteomalacia... Essentially the adult form of rickets. My pain is consistent with this.
The good news is that it is easily treated. The bad news is they have to find out why I'm deficient. If it's diet, I'm okay. If it's something else... Eh. Depends.
The long and the short is that I haven't, since they yanked the Focalin, been able to get to the Historical Society. I am wickedly bummed about that. I've only left the house in the past two months for doctors appointments. Pbbb. Of course, my doctor makes me come in almost every week. I do have to give that girl an A for effort.
Wow, this has really turned into a downer. Sorry. I am trying my damnedest to stay upbeat, and, for the most part, I am succeeding. But I do feel like I've really lost something...
I still haven't quite reconciled myself to the fact that I'm no longer working.