In case you didn't have a chance to thoroughly peruse the winners of the recent Bulwer-Lytton Contest , here they are in descending order:
WINNERS OF THE DARK AND STORMY NIGHT CONTEST (run by the English Dept of San Jose State University), wherein one writes only the first sentence of a bad novel.
10) As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber he would never hear the end of it.
9) Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens.
8) With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small, straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description.
7) Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the east wall 'Andre, creep...Andre, creep...Andre, creep...
6) Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex change surgeon to become the woman he loved.
Don't you want to know what the winning sentence was? Read on... -- Read More