We beg your indulgence while we pass on a few ridiculously silly puns from self-publishing guru Dan Poynter of Para Publishing:
Attention LEXOPHILES ...
1. A bicycle can't stand alone... it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow... fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts... in feudalism, it's your
Count that votes.
6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat
10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulting in linoleum
13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
14. Local Area Network in Australia... The LAN down under.
15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
16. A calendar's days are numbered.
17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
19. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison... a small medium at
22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.