It started out like any other morning. I woke up late, rushed to work, and sat down at the Reference Desk. Quickly after this, however, the day became extremely odd.
I found that when librarians spoke, I could hear what they really meant! Thinking my coworkers were particularly filled with vitriolic thoughts, I rushed to another library.
I spent the entire day travelling and recording what goes on in minds of mean, repressed librarians. Maybe this won't be a shock to you. If it doesn't, shame on you for thinking such bad thoughts!
For the rest of us librarians, the ones who care about our patrons, here are a few horrific examples (with more inside):
That's a good question! = I have no idea how i'm going to answer this question.
Holes is a great book for young adults. = I've never read it!*
We can get any item you need = Except back issues of "Swank."
Excuse me, drinks aren't allow in the library. = Except my 2 liter stash of vodka gimlets.
We don't have that book in right now. = We don't have that book in right now!
Aww, that's the cutest puppy I've seen, thanks for showing me all those pictures. = My cat would eat that little bare ass rat alive.
Actually, don't worry about it, this happens to computers all of the time. = You minimized your screen.
*okay, this was me