Friday Funnies

The Ultimate Proof of Evil

In the current storyline of the very offbeat online comic goats, we are learning of the origins of the character Diablo. Today it was revealed that his foster father, Loovis, once ate a librarian. The Horror!

Don Saklad Haiku/Senru

Don Saklad sent in a link to Michael Sauers Don Saklad Haiku/Senru Page, so since it's Friday, and there's not much else going on, why not try to write your own. There's a ton of Material to work with out there, and Here.

Public documentation
Ask your city public library
Observe principles flouted

Nude Santa-wannabe Found in Bookstore Chimney

Anonymous Patron points us to "this ABC News story about a naked guy found stuck in the chimney of a Minneapolis bookstore early Christmas morning. Police assured the public it was not Santa Claus and pronounced the guy lucky, saying 'he's lucky he didn't get cooked.'"

Librarian Tarot?

bentley writes "Library Girl wonders: "Why not Librarian Tarot? Wheel of Fortune could be a search engine. High Priest is Melvil Dewey or Ragananthan. High Priestess is Hypatia of Alexandria. The Lovers are kids making out in the stacks. Justice is a fine. The fool is the Stereotypical Idiot Patron. The Hermit is the grad student lost forever in the basement stacks while doing a thesis. Strength is the magnetic anti-theft system. The World is a library card."

Alas, no illos."

Space Marine Librarian in Terminator Armor

Forget the much-discussed librarian action figure. Came across this inexplicable ebay item:

"Librarian in terminator armor with force weapon and lightning claw." Since this is from New South Wales, Australia, I can only surmise that librarian education and training is a little different than it is here in the US. Hurry, kids, only 3 days left to bid! And this is a one-of-a-kind item.

The Limerick Challenge

The Beeb is having a Limerick Challenge in honour of National Poetry Day.
In that spirit, they invite you to come up with the next four lines of any of these openers.

On Arnie's first day in the job...

At Blackpool one day by the sea...

When Tony asked Gordon to lunch...

A mind-reader picked up a gun...

I'll try a few openers that might be more interesting:

There once was a man named Dewey...

One fine day I found a book...

I work at the library of Nantucket...

We're happy to be implementing CIPA...

I'm a proud memeber of the ALA...
Update: 10/10 05:46 EST by B:It's Friday, it's funny, so I'm bumping this up a bit. Brian wins a special prize for this one:

The library staff in NantucketSupplies its Web surfers with buckets.
A sponge and some bleach,
Within easy reach,
Boston Public Library violates principles of freedom of information by routinely denying requests made through enquiries at the reference desk for records that are legitimately public.

Ashcroft: Might as well laugh ...

Mock Turtle writes "Ashcroft vs. librarians -- the cartoon. By Stuart Carlson of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel."

What Librarians Really Mean

It started out like any other morning. I woke up late, rushed to work, and sat down at the Reference Desk. Quickly after this, however, the day became extremely odd.

I found that when librarians spoke, I could hear what they really meant! Thinking my coworkers were particularly filled with vitriolic thoughts, I rushed to another library.

I spent the entire day travelling and recording what goes on in minds of mean, repressed librarians. Maybe this won't be a shock to you. If it doesn't, shame on you for thinking such bad thoughts!

For the rest of us librarians, the ones who care about our patrons, here are a few horrific examples (with more inside):

That's a good question! = I have no idea how i'm going to answer this question.

Holes is a great book for young adults. = I've never read it!*

We can get any item you need = Except back issues of "Swank."

Excuse me, drinks aren't allow in the library. = Except my 2 liter stash of vodka gimlets.

We don't have that book in right now. = We don't have that book in right now!

Aww, that's the cutest puppy I've seen, thanks for showing me all those pictures. = My cat would eat that little bare ass rat alive.

Actually, don't worry about it, this happens to computers all of the time. = You minimized your screen.

*okay, this was me

Print Sources

NEW YORK (Aug. 14) - A huge power blackout hit U.S. cities spreading from New York to Cleveland and Detroit and north into Canada Thursday afternoon.

In New York City, the blackout had a significant effect on the public library.

None of the Internet terminals or other computers in the New York Library system were functioning, but the novels and non-fiction books somehow remained operational, according to patrons on the scene. Older reference librarians were able to switch to print sources in order to maintain services, preventing any disruption. Seekers of pornography crowded the reference desks asking for help and were referred to a list of bawdy novels and assorted men's magazines.

The internet is shit.

SomeOne pointed to

\"I can name 20 people from my old school class who aren\'t in Google. I can walk into any public library, no matter how tiny and underfunded, and find facts, stories, amazing information I would never touch in a month of webcrawling. I can go into a bar and hear stories Usenet hasn\'t come close to in its 22 years of waffle. \"Oh but what about the stuff you CAN get on the web?\" the netheads say. But they\'re missing the point.


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