Friday Funnies

The LISNews Librarian Pickup Lines

Originally posted on February 21 2003, this hiliarous collection of librarian pickup lines remains one of our most popular features ever.
The List was originally compiled, (but not tested) by Blake, Aaron and Steven. Many others have contributed to the list since.

Feel free to use them at work, conferences, out at your favorite pub, or anywhere you may find the librarian of your dreams. Note: use at your own risk, may result in slapping, or having a drink thrown in your face.

"Are you on interlibrary loan? Because, baby, you're outta this library!"


What's your cutter number baby?

I bet you have quite a nice book worm!

You must work at a busy library, cuz baby you just increased my
circulation.

Are you a librarian? Well I really need to be shushed!

Damn... you have more hardcovers than my private stash

Are you a librarian, because when you walked in the room I knew I was
overdue!

I couldn't help noticing what a great book bag you have

Have you heard the one about the librarian with more stacks than she
could handle?

You look like a real challenge!

No one believes I am a librarian, maybe you should try to check me out.

You have the tightest hair bun in the place.

I'm like Google, more results than you can deal with.
 
Did I mention I write for LISNews?
 
Let's play search engine:  enter your terms and see if you get
positive results.
 
Soooooo, people tell me that I look like Chris Sherman.
 
I'd catalog you under "Desirable!"
 
You have some back-end architecture.
 
Either my sight's fading fast, or you're the hottest guy I've checked
out all week.

So, you're a librarian? Do you mind if I work on your desk?

You are a Librarian!

You're a malevolent dishevelled master criminal in love with a falafel vendor. You are questioned by rabid self-published people talking to themselves. Be proud of what you are...You are a Librarian!


Try again!


You're a feverish courtly boxer on the wrong side of the law. You are collated by spotted mutants who need you to negotiate a journal subscription in Finnish. Be proud of what you are...You are a Librarian!


Try again!

Librarian Fantasy Promotes Librarian Bar

A Post From AdRants points out New York City's Library Bar created an ad that maximizes the "librarian fantasy" in a way that aligns nicely with the brand. They dressed their hot bartenders up in sexy librarian-wear to attract drooling men incapable of resistance.

OED Limericks

This librarian loves Oxford's D.
So it's natural for him to be
Enthralled and engrossed
In each limerical post
At this wonderful site. Come and see!

The Omnificent English Dictionary In Limerick Form does what it says. Contributors write limericks corresponding to modern English words. So far, they are up to "ba-". You can see my modest attempts here.

Food for Thought? An Amazombie Sampling

Tired brains hungry for amusement should dig into this satirical Web site...the best thing Amazon's never offered...here

from Thom Chambliss, via Shelf Awareness

howstuffworks: How Lightsabers Work

From howstuffworks, this should come in handy for any LISNewsters out there, fielding reference queries behind a desk somewhere on Tatooine:

How Lightsabers Work

Librarians in the comics

mdoneil writes "Garfield listens to poor Jon complain about his luck in love with the cute librarian.

Cheer up Jon, she probably was a vegetarian anyway."

Erie county libraries are open and the books are now safe!

mdoneil writes "Proctor and Gamble donated TP to Erie county's Rath building. The $16k worth of cuddly soft hygenic tissue will last for two years (assuming county workers are like the rest of us...wait I'm a county worker)
Erie county is of course in a budget tightening mode and the threat of library closure were widely reported on LISNews.
To get to the bottom of this story go to WGRZ."

Revenge of the Blog People!

Revenge of the Blog People! is a funny one by Michael Gorman, president-elect of the American Library Association, over at LJ.

"It is obvious that the Blog People read what they want to read rather than what is in front of them and judge me to be wrong on the basis of what they think rather than what I actually wrote. Given the quality of the writing in the blogs I have seen, I doubt that many of the Blog People are in the habit of sustained reading of complex texts. It is entirely possible that their intellectual needs are met by an accumulation of random facts and paragraphs. In that case, their rejection of my view is quite understandable."

[Thanks Jessamyn]

When Seein' Ain't Believin' - Mysterious Librarian "OUTed"

MYSTERIOUS writes "Here's A Funny One: To legions of internet geeks she's the "International Librarian of Mystery". Natalie is smart, sexy and cool. A librarian with a wild streak and toast of the net.Log on to bizgirl and watch her pull down her hair and take off her glasses. Natalie Bizgirl is one of five Australasian nominees for the annual Bloggie awards, for web logs or "blogs", and the only Kiwi. She writes about life in the library with the fearsome Mrs Darjeeling and others. She writes about her relationship with Josh, now ended, and takes you deep into the heart of the modern girl. Almost.Recently Natalie was "dooced" - fired after writing something about her job on a web log - just before Christmas, and she was flat broke. But her fans gave a lot of sympathy. Over the years some have even sent her marriage proposals.Voting has closed and next month Natalie will find out whether putting her life story on the web will be rewarded with a coveted Bloggie, the online equivalent of an Oscar.There's a hitch. Natalie Bizgirl is really James Guthrie, of Wellington, married with children and (last time we checked) a bloke. He created Natalie six years ago but his secret was exposed late last year after he won a local web award. "I was a bit worried there'd be a more hostile backlash from some of the more ardent male fans of the site, but that hasn't happened at all," he told Spike."

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