Friday Funnies

Funny Patron Conversations

Today's Friday Funnies comes to us from Tales from the "Liberry" and ricklibrarian.

ricklibrarian had an amusing phone call at the desk earlier in the week that was right out of Monty Python. "A woman called the library to request that we check our shelves for an item. I had trouble understanding her. Her voice was fuzzy and there were loud children's voices in the background. I think she was in a kitchen on a speaker phone. I had to ask her twice the title of the item. Just as I understood, she yelled, "Leave him alone! I told you to leave him alone!" I identified the item in the catalog and told her I was going to check the shelf."

Tales from the "Liberry" gives us Actual Conversations Heard in Actual Libraries #40, "Hey, do you got any tax forms here?"

Recommended: Librarian's Guide to Etiquette

Daniel writes "Today a coworker posted some excerpts from Librarian's Guide to Etiquette and I was immediately seized by giggles. In hopes that you will be too, here are a few quotes:

  • "If you are a candidate for a librarian position and someone from the search committee asks, "If you were a garden tool, what kind of garden tool would you be? And why?"... it is perfectly acceptable for you get up and walk out of the interview without saying another word."
  • "You can never be too careful when you suspect the caller is pranking you at the Reference Desk. It is especially risky to mock the person's voice when responding to a suspected pranker. Don't learn this lesson the hard way."

Congratulations to Sal and J for lightening the moods of librarians everywhere. At least for those of us whose humor trends snarky."

A Writer 'Fesses Up

In response to recent revelations about the work of J T Leroy and James Frey (A Million Little Pieces), funny man Tim Carvell writes an op-ed in today's NYT about plaguarism, errors, omissions and elisions (?) in his best-selling memoir , "A Brief History of Tim".

I have the power!

Anonymous Patron writes "Today's Penny Arcade cartoon takes a stab at Wikipedia and He-Man. What more can you ask for on a Friday? It hasn't hit the archive yet, so go to and click on "Comic"."


Friday Funnies from!
(a new feature)

A little Friday Flash Fun from those cheeky Brits: the Library Song

If Fox News Had Been Around Throughout History

If Fox News Had Been Around Throughout History

This site is hilarious and may even offend some of you.

The LISNews Librarian Pickup Lines

Originally posted on February 21 2003, this hiliarous collection of librarian pickup lines remains one of our most popular features ever.
The List was originally compiled, (but not tested) by Blake, Aaron and Steven. Many others have contributed to the list since.

Feel free to use them at work, conferences, out at your favorite pub, or anywhere you may find the librarian of your dreams. Note: use at your own risk, may result in slapping, or having a drink thrown in your face.

"Are you on interlibrary loan? Because, baby, you're outta this library!"

What's your cutter number baby?

I bet you have quite a nice book worm!

You must work at a busy library, cuz baby you just increased my

Are you a librarian? Well I really need to be shushed!

Damn... you have more hardcovers than my private stash

Are you a librarian, because when you walked in the room I knew I was

I couldn't help noticing what a great book bag you have

Have you heard the one about the librarian with more stacks than she
could handle?

You look like a real challenge!

No one believes I am a librarian, maybe you should try to check me out.

You have the tightest hair bun in the place.

I'm like Google, more results than you can deal with.
Did I mention I write for LISNews?
Let's play search engine:  enter your terms and see if you get
positive results.
Soooooo, people tell me that I look like Chris Sherman.
I'd catalog you under "Desirable!"
You have some back-end architecture.
Either my sight's fading fast, or you're the hottest guy I've checked
out all week.

So, you're a librarian? Do you mind if I work on your desk?

You are a Librarian!

You're a malevolent dishevelled master criminal in love with a falafel vendor. You are questioned by rabid self-published people talking to themselves. Be proud of what you are...You are a Librarian!

Try again!

You're a feverish courtly boxer on the wrong side of the law. You are collated by spotted mutants who need you to negotiate a journal subscription in Finnish. Be proud of what you are...You are a Librarian!

Try again!

Librarian Fantasy Promotes Librarian Bar

A Post From AdRants points out New York City's Library Bar created an ad that maximizes the "librarian fantasy" in a way that aligns nicely with the brand. They dressed their hot bartenders up in sexy librarian-wear to attract drooling men incapable of resistance.

OED Limericks

This librarian loves Oxford's D.
So it's natural for him to be
Enthralled and engrossed
In each limerical post
At this wonderful site. Come and see!

The Omnificent English Dictionary In Limerick Form does what it says. Contributors write limericks corresponding to modern English words. So far, they are up to "ba-". You can see my modest attempts here.


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