Humor

US to Send Troops to LibRARia

Bruce writes

"Already reeling from severe economic sanctions, the once-proud nation of Libraria now braces for a military invasion that Bush administration insiders describe as long overdue.

“We’ve given them every opportunity to comply with inspections,� said Homeland Security director Tom Ridge, referring to Article 215 of the USA PATRIOT Act. “But radical elements in Libraria have mocked the sanctions. They’ve shredded records, they’ve purged computer files. This will not stand.� -- Read More

Your librarian hates you if....

Lots more at portland.craigslist.org:

You never have your library card, and then you cough on me while explaining that you don't even have an ID on you.

You refuse to learn to use the computers for yourself, and get impatient when I dont know your yahoo password.

You stare blankly as I check in your 40 books so you can pay a five-cent fine.

You contest a five-cent fine.
Spotted by Linda Absher.

New <u>Potter</u> and <u>Treason</u> Make Best Children's Fiction List

Gerry sent in this funny one.

The summer of 2003 will always be remembered as the summer when children and children-like adults everywhere got swept away by two wildly entertaining works of magical fiction. Of course, I'm talking about J.K. Rowling's action-packed fantasy Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and Ann Coulter's Treason, a hilarious novel about a magical world where everything is black and white and there's always only one solution to any problem and anyone who disagrees with today's administration (not the last one and not the next one) is unfoundedly and beyond-stupid-ly guilty of a very serious crime whose specific definition does not even apply in said cases. Doesn't that sound magically unbelievable?

[via what would kofi annan do?]

Librarian Action Figure!

Rob Lopresti writes "Front page of the Seattle Times today reveals that there will soon be a Librarian Action Figure. What action does a librarian doll do? Raises her hand in a shush gesture, of course.

Tge toy is coming from Accoutrements, which is a Seattle firm that owns the wonderful Archie McPhee catalog store (they also sell nun puppets, rubber chickens, etc.)

The doll is based on Nancy Pearl, director of Washington's Center for the Book. Unfortunately her clothing on the doll makes her appear to be the nasty host of Weakest Link, IMHO.

The article is at:
Seattletimes.com and Archie McPhee's is at:
mcphee.com

"

Comedian Tom Green invades Tom Green County Library

SomeOne writes "DallasNews.com Story
says Tom Green, comedian and MTV crackpot, showed up in Tom Green County to lay claim to all so-named facilities, public opinion was understandably mixed.

"The staff here were all extremely leery," said Larry Justiss, director of the
Tom Green County Library in San Angelo, which is about 260 miles
southwest of Dallas.

"We mailed his library card shortly after," Mr. Justiss said.
"

The Card Filer's Lament

Jane C. Butler writes :"Still filing shelflist cards, I admit,
They're small and compact and they perfectly fit,
Right under the PC this catalog sits,
It supports the E-cat that's smiling a bit.

The large universities with miles of drawers.
Sheer piles of cards they carefully stored,
The info within them as vast as sea shores,
Whoever in browsing would ever be bored? -- Read More

A librarian\'s Lao-Tzu

Via wood s lot comes a little humor for your Wednesday afternoon:

The Tao te Ching is an ancient book of wisdom, the well spring of a great religion, Taoism. It has been translated many times, by such literary luminaries as Ursula K. LeGuin, Stephen Mitchell and Alan Watts. I do no possess even a modicum of their literary talent, poetic ability or knowledge of Eastern religions. I do have one advantage that they do not. Lao Tzu, the reputed author of the work, was a librarian. This is the first attempt by a fellow librarian to translate the Tao te Ching.

An excerpt:

The highest good is like water / Water gives life to all things and does not strive /
It flows in places that men reject and so is like the Library /

In constructing, be close to the land /
In developing a collection, go deep in the heart /
In dealing with patrons, be gentle and kind /
In speech, be true /
In making rules, be just /
In budgeting, be competent /
In action, take care to be timely /

No fight: No blame.

More at Librarian\'s Lao Tzu: The Book of the Library and Its Ways.

Eisenhower Vows To Address Growing Problem of Overdue Library Books

I think it was Ender that spotted A Funny Headline From The Onion, June 24, 1957. "Eisenhower Vows To Address Growing Problem of Overdue Library Books."
"Operation Due Date" will encourage American's to return library books in a timely manner with a congressionally imposed 10 cent a week madatory late fee.

Read in library, not while driving

A funny little letter to the editor in The Arizona Republic from a woman who spotted a man reading a hard-cover book while driving, not once, but twice!
She says she did get your license plate number the second time and will attempt to make everyone's commute safer by reporting you.

Same Shinola, Different Day the library edition

frank r. hewitt writes "
Generally, mornings are pretty quiet. Especially on days like today when the weather is nasty, it’s quite pleasant to enjoy the library’s tranquil ambience undisturbed by patrons. But, like all good things, it usually comes to an end as noon approaches.

Our first patron of the day was Mrs. P, one the many senior hypochondriacs that keep the medical publishers' bottom line in the black. -- Read More

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