Humor

Home schooling

mdoneil — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 19:15:44 -0400

My neighbor is not the smartest girl in the world. She is married to a man with two young children (his not hers) and they had decided to home school their children. She had mentioned this a few months ago and wanted good resources. I of course told her the local library could offer all sorts of assistance.

I have talked to homeschoolers when I worked full time at the library, and they are indeed a different breed.

Yesterday as I was coming home from work my neighbor was coming up the walk as well. She was indignant. She still wanted to home school her step-children, but could not understand how she was supposed to get the teacher, the school system told her she was on her own.

I tried to explain it, but she refuses to believe me. She thinks someone owes her a school teacher.

I really have to move out of Florida.

Private Party @ Your Library

Great Western Dragon — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 09:20:03 -0400

Well, at least you can say someone is having a good time at the library...

After all, just because you're amongst all those books, doesn't mean it has to be boring. So next time you feel the onset of yawning and fatigue, remember the patron in the video. You too, can get on down @ your library.

Which reference book would you like to see made into a movie?

Blake — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 11:21:13 -0400

It's been reported that bestselling diet manual French Women Don't Get Fat is to get the big screen treatment. Hilary Swank's production company has picked up the finger-wagging weight-loss manifesto that instructs the Brits on how to be as slim as their éclair-scoffing sisters across the Channel.
Here are The Guardian's favourite non-fiction tomes: can you think up likely plot-lines for any of them? And which titles have they left out?

1) The Joy of Sex
2) Eats, Shoots & Leaves
3) Who's Who
4) The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
5) What to Expect When You're Expecting

Poop! from the people who brought you Gallop!

effinglibrarian — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 02:24:40 -0400

When franchises go too far.
I read the discussion about the latest Mummy movie where most critics agreed that it was time to retire that franchise, that the ideas were gone and they were just milking a dead goat.

But another franchise comes to mind in the book publishing world: Gallop!

Now, Gallop! is a pretty cool idea; it uses "scanimation" to animate still images by having stripes pass over an image thereby revealing one part or another and creating the illusion of movement. It's a simple, but extremely cool effect.

And based on the popularity of that first book, the scanimation people are releasing a second book, Swing!

And again, this is fine. But I just read that a third book is already in the works with the unpleasant title of, Poop!

Now, I don't know when an author or publisher should just call it quits, but I think a book called Poop! might be that point. I could imagine books with animals doing many other things before I would imagine them pooping. You have Gallop!, Swing!, maybe Hop! or Leap!, or, well, that's basically it, isn't it? What else do animals do? Sleep! Yeah, that'll stretch the use of scanimation to the cutting edge as animals lie completely still.

So maybe Poop! isn't so bad after all.

Here is some of the prose we can expect:

"Can you make a turd like a bird?"
"Flap-flap-crap!"

And here is the proposed cover art (note that the process for the new title has been renamed "Scatimation"):

Automated Keyword Replacement Gone Awry

StephenK — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 10:09:09 -0400

Tech pundit John C. Dvorak posted at his blog about an interesting problem in automated keyword replacement. This seems to fit the law of unintended consequences perhaps?

Post Apocalyptic Library Commercials

Great Western Dragon — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 10:05:30 -0400

This one from the good folks over at Boing Boing:

"When I was in fifth grade, Mississippi Public Broadcasting decided to introduce a series of short films to educate children on how to use the library. For some godforsaken reason, the people at MPB decided that the best way to do this would be through a post-apocalyptic science fiction serial with children roaming the blasted earth in a… bookmobile… like a cross between 'Reading Rainbow' and 'Damnation Alley.' Confused? So was I. I loved the library and post-apocalyptic movies and television programs, and even I was completely nonplussed. Apparently someone has uploaded the entire run onto YouTube. The music still gives me the creeps!"

The adventure begins!

Library sued for violating gamer privacy

effinglibrarian — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 07:26:09 -0400

(from the Associated Press,... not!)

Philip Landisberg, 14, participated in the Colbert County Library's Video Game Hot Licks Showdown on July 2, and scored a "dismal" 60% on "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" during the first round of the Guitar Hero Axe Attack.

"Sixty percent on that song, and on 'easy' is truly embarrassing," explained young adult librarian Sarah Brand. "That song is meant as a warm-up, to relax the kids and get them to feel good about the game and themselves. I could understand if the kid was wearing mittens because of some OCD problem, or if he was obsessively touching himself while he played, as so many boys at that age seem to do, or even if he was born with lobster claws for hands like on Nip/Tuck, but damn, that kid sucked. Is Nip/Tuck coming back? I love Christian so much. But really, this kid just sucked. Oh, wait, that's my phone."

For the record, Sean's son on Nip/Tuck was born with Ectrodactyly, or "lobster claw hands," a deformity which may seem really cool to have because you get to have claws, but unfortunately, makes touching yourself truly dangerous. And to clarify, you should actually have a love/hate relationship with Christian.

Phil's parents, although disappointed with Phil's performance, have filed a lawsuit against the Colbert library for violating the teen's privacy. Philip's mother, Chloe Landisberg said, "The library had no right to post that score for everyone to see. Yes, Phil's level of suckage was egregious, but that just proves that his score should not have been put up for all the other kids to laugh at. The library is responsible. Do you know that everyone calls him 'lobster boy' now?"

"We posted all the scores of each participant on a board in the Youth area of the library," said librarian Brand. "If Fail, I mean, Phil couldn't bring it, he should have stayed home and played with his GoBots, or baked teddy bear-shaped sugar cookies with his mom."

Chloe confirmed that kids have taken to calling her son "Fail" instead of Phil, after the Internet term for failure. The Landisbergs have sued the Colbert County Library System for $2 million citing privacy violations and pain and suffering.

The American Library Association has issued a statement reaffirming the importance for teen privacy in libraries that adds "privacy in game and gaming 'fun nights' and competitions particularly in the posting or display of game scores" to areas where those scores are "visible to the public" should be treated with the same "ethical and legal protections" as patron borrowing records.

"Teens are cruel," says Brad Chuck webmaster for the Young Adult Library Services Association. "I do my best to avoid being around them. That's why I run the website."

The ALA also recommends on its YALSA website that teens who "truly suck" at video games should just "stay home and read a book."

[thanks to Terry for the game consult]

To Serve Us.

effinglibrarian — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 06:44:15 -0400

I finally understand the mystery that is Google. It can be found by understanding the meaning behind their philosophy of Don't be evil.

When Google space aliens came to Earth to conquer us, they made the same mistake so many space aliens had made before; they based their understanding of human society on transmissions they'd received from deep in space.

When Google space aliens arrived on Earth, they had no intention of not doing evil. The concepts of good or evil did not exist in their realm. Because they existed millions, even billions, of miles away in space, the Google space aliens didn't come to Earth specifically to cause harm. They came in response to a message:

"You know I can be found,
Sitting home all alone,
If you can't come around,
At least please telephone.
Don't be cruel to a heart that's true."

"Don't be cruel." Words and music by Otis Blackwell (and Elvis).
Sung by Elvis Presley.

Billboard #1 hit, and one of the greatest rock n roll songs ever recorded. As I said, they didn't come here specifically to cause harm; that came later.

The Google space aliens came here seeking Elvis. Due to a miscommunication caused by poor translation software available on the Internet at the time, their desire to locate the source of the song "Don't be cruel" which they had been enjoying from deep space and whose lyrics beckoned them here, came out as the now famous Google motto: Don't be evil. It was a simple mistake.

But when the Google space aliens arrived on Earth with their one goal of meeting Elvis, he was nowhere to be found. His song said he'd be home, sitting all alone. But when they looked, he wasn't there. Sure, rumors circulated that he'd just been somewhere, and there's even evidence that he's everywhere. But he wasn't home when the Google aliens checked.

Apparently, Elvis had left the building. The song says to call, but it doesn't list a number.

Makes sense now, huh.

You don't need to believe, but all the evidence is there. To facilitate their search for Elvis, they created the largest search tool ever known to mankind. Just read the Google corporate philosophy if you want more proof. Think of Elvis while you read, and it all makes sense.

Sure, we can use Google to search for porn. We can search for the perfect name for our newest cat. We can search for recipes that use what we have in the refrigerator right now: salsa, green beans, half a Milky Way bar, bourbon, two bagels. But that doesn't stop Google's ultimate global search for Elvis.

Until then, they will continue to consume every bit of information we have. Scanning. Crunching. Digitizing. Everything. Including us.

It's a cookbook!

Literary Ink Jobs

Great Western Dragon — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 09:13:12 -0400

I don't know everything about librarians, but I do know that some of them are into tattoos. And by "into tattoos" I mean that they have ink work that would make Henry Rollins pause for admiration.

I can't get a tattoo (long story, it has to to with genetic bleeding problems and original sin) but if I could, I'd probably get something like those pictured in this gallery of literary tattoos. Though I wouldn't get the Vonnegut quote from Slaughterhouse Five. I'd be more inclined to get "Hi Ho" from Slapstick.

I'd like to get a tattoo over my whole body of me, but taller. ~Stephen Wright

The I, Libertine Bestselling Book Hoax

Blake — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 06:55:18 -0400

Over 50 years ago, one of the greatest media hoaxes ever was foisted upon New York City and the world at large. Overnight WOR-AM radio show host Jean Shepherd asked his listeners ("the Night People") to go into bookstores and ask for a book that didn't exist. Armed with a fictitious title and author, along with a vague plot outline, the Night People got their hooks in wherever they could. Fueled by bewildered bookstore owners and distributors, I, Libertine eventually did end up as a genuine bestseller. The crazy tale is recounted here in Shep's own words on Long John Nebel's radio show from 1968.