"Today I’d like to talk about librarians. I don’t know how many of them watch my show. If they do, they probably watch my show while reading or working on the Dewey Decimal System. They probably don’t watch much TV at all. They just wait for the transcripts. If they do watch the show, they probably keep the sound turned down and put their fingers up to their mouths and say, “Shhhhhhhh” every time the audience laughs."