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Terrorism experts today confirmed that the popular Harry Potter fantasy novels by J.K. Rowling are not currently under suspicion for causing the tragic events of September 11. The novels, in which a boy discovers that he is a talented wizard, have not yet been accused of hijacking jumbo jets or piloting them into office buildings.
The books\' complicity in everything else that\'s wrong with the world, however, remains to be seen.\"It\'s just not right for kids to be reading,\" said a concerned Pokémon animator who spoke on condition of anonymity. \"What next? Eating their vegetables?\"
Vegetables are also generally thought to be unrelated to the tragedy. However, President* Bush, prompted by urgings from his father, has directed the FBI to investigate whether broccoli was served on any of the flights in question. When asked to comment, the ghost of J. Edgar Hoover said only \"For the last time, no, I will NOT declassify Victoria\'s Secret.\"