Where is the porn?

I was rolling on the floor after reading this column from Fayettevillenc.com. A man goes into the library searching for porn, but finds himslef at a loss as to where to start. \"I’ve learned that when looking for something in the library, the best place to start is at the computerized directory. So I found one and began my search.

P-O-R-N-O-G-R-A-P-H-Y, I typed. Up popped an alphabetical list.

Porcupines, pork-free diet ... ah, here we are, pornography. This wasn’t going to take as long as I’d thought.I clicked on the first couple of listings I came to, wrote down the catalog numbers and went a huntin’ for porn.\"

\"The first book I found was called “Pornography: Debating the Issues.’’ Sounded kind of interesting but a little weighty, if you know what I mean. A little too much redeeming social value for my tastes.\"

\"Near it on the shelf was a little tome called “Defending Pornography: Free Speech, Sex and the Fight for Women’s Rights.’’

\"That sounded real weighty. Or to put it another way: Booorrring.\"

\"Maybe this was going to be harder than I thought. I decided to change my approach. I decided to forget about the books for the moment and check out the magazines.\"

\"I scanned the racks. There was Meg Ryan on the cover of Redbook and Charlize Theron on the cover of Vogue. Both fully clothed, though.\"

\"Farther down the aisle, I found Ashley Judd on the cover of Esquire’s “Women We Love’’ issue. Now that had potential. I also picked up, when no one was looking, the “Bad Girl Issue’’ of Cosmopolitan featuring Lisa Kudrow on the cover.\"

\"I opened Esquire to the “Women We Love’’ feature. There was a picture of a partially nude Alicia Witt. But the picture was tastefully done and you couldn’t really see much. Hardly what I’d call hard-core.\"

\"Cosmo turned out to be a real bust, too. Despite the promise of the “Bad Girl Issue,’’ all I found were bizarre articles with titles like “Fab Abs -- Fast’’ and “I Said Her Butt Was Too Big and She Heard Me.’’

\"I felt people were beginning to stare at me, a grown man poring over Cosmo. To reassert my masculinity, I spent the next 20 minutes thumbing through Road & Track.\"

\"I decided to go back to the books. This time, the paperbacks.\"

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