(from the Associated Press,... not!)
Philip Landisberg, 14, participated in the Colbert County Library's Video Game Hot Licks Showdown on July 2, and scored a "dismal" 60% on "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" during the first round of the Guitar Hero Axe Attack.
"Sixty percent on that song, and on 'easy' is truly embarrassing," explained young adult librarian Sarah Brand. "That song is meant as a warm-up, to relax the kids and get them to feel good about the game and themselves. I could understand if the kid was wearing mittens because of some OCD problem, or if he was obsessively touching himself while he played, as so many boys at that age seem to do, or even if he was born with lobster claws for hands like on Nip/Tuck, but damn, that kid sucked. Is Nip/Tuck coming back? I love Christian so much. But really, this kid just sucked. Oh, wait, that's my phone."
For the record, Sean's son on Nip/Tuck was born with Ectrodactyly, or "lobster claw hands," a deformity which may seem really cool to have because you get to have claws, but unfortunately, makes touching yourself truly dangerous. And to clarify, you should actually have a love/hate relationship with Christian.
Phil's parents, although disappointed with Phil's performance, have filed a lawsuit against the Colbert library for violating the teen's privacy. Philip's mother, Chloe Landisberg said, "The library had no right to post that score for everyone to see. Yes, Phil's level of suckage was egregious, but that just proves that his score should not have been put up for all the other kids to laugh at. The library is responsible. Do you know that everyone calls him 'lobster boy' now?"
"We posted all the scores of each participant on a board in the Youth area of the library," said librarian Brand. "If Fail, I mean, Phil couldn't bring it, he should have stayed home and played with his GoBots, or baked teddy bear-shaped sugar cookies with his mom."
Chloe confirmed that kids have taken to calling her son "Fail" instead of Phil, after the Internet term for failure. The Landisbergs have sued the Colbert County Library System for $2 million citing privacy violations and pain and suffering.
The American Library Association has issued a statement reaffirming the importance for teen privacy in libraries that adds "privacy in game and gaming 'fun nights' and competitions particularly in the posting or display of game scores" to areas where those scores are "visible to the public" should be treated with the same "ethical and legal protections" as patron borrowing records.
"Teens are cruel," says Brad Chuck webmaster for the Young Adult Library Services Association. "I do my best to avoid being around them. That's why I run the website."
The ALA also recommends on its YALSA website that teens who "truly suck" at video games should just "stay home and read a book."