Introducing AnyBookLibraries™, a New Style of Library for the year 2015

(For Delayed Release)

A small district in Any County, America, is changing the face of public libraries. Introducing AnyBookLibraries™, a new style of library that celebrates imagination, research and solitude. Studies have shown that people who are left alone quietly at their local library are less likely to become assholes and annoy others.

Recent changes to libraries have moved them away from physical books and into econtent. Downloadable materials dominated the menu of traditional library offerings; but AnyBookLibraries™ is willing to move forward to engage readers with solid, tangible, physical resources. Traditionally, libraries have been spending their tax dollars on materials their users couldn't even see unless they carried some electronic handheld device in with them. But the new philosophy surrounding the AnyBookLibraries approach gives readers a world of exploration that they experience with their senses, free of that expensive, electronic crutch.

The AnyBookLibraries™ model was designed to help libraries remain relevant by offering books to their customers. Books and books and more books. They offer programming around books, technology for improving access to books, and a "reasonably adequate" level of customer service so that everyone who walks into an AnyBookLibraries™ feels welcome, so long as they silence their phones, spray a little Febreze under their pits, and can keep their mouths shut.

Tripling overdue fines and teaching the Dewey Decimal Classification to the public are just some of the changes on the road to AnyBookLibraries. The next step in this revolution is the launch of the new brand, which represents the new library philosophy.

"AnyBookLibraries is a new style of library that offers memorable experiences linked to hundreds years of a tradition of paper-bound words and pictures for its customers," says the Library director The Effing Librarian. "AnyBookLibraries is a place where you can find more and more and more books. Any damn book you want. But you can't play video games, and if you try to download audio books to your iPod, a signal will make it explode. But if you want to read quietly by a fireplace and write notes in your journal, we have a pencil sharpener out in the lobby to help keep your mind sharp. And your pencil. Obviously. But I was trying to make a point. Pun intended."

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